What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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