can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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