I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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