birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
