Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I know her cup size but not her name....
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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