I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
