AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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