I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
