hell yes lets make some ravioli
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
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