Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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