i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
