Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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