Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
