I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
