today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
