Taylor Swift is so right about you.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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