Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
