the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
wow bdsm is so cute
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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