Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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