you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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