3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
