There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
