Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It's just like the Real World with babies
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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