Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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