I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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