so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
