I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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