the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
