don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
