i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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