Me too!
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
