Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
