Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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