No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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