Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
