Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
