You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
