I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
