Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
My feet surprised me
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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