I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
