that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
