I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Randomize
