my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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