I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
COCAINE IS GR8
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
