and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
