Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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