He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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