Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
