Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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