Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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