I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
