We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
