I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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