It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
