Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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