cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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