and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
