She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
